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For Newcomers to Al-Anon and Alateen
Welcome to the Al-Anon fellowship (which includes Alateen for young people.)
In Al-Anon, you are in the right place, and you are with others who
understand. We hope you will find
information in these pages that will assist you in finding the help and
friendship we have been privileged to enjoy in the Al-Anon program.
Here are
answers to some of the questions newcomers frequently ask about our fellowship.
You are welcome to contact us by phone or e-mail if you’d like to
talk about Al-Anon with an Al-Anon member.
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Please note: Some documents linked on this page are in PDF files
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Who is Al-Anon for? Who attends Al-Anon meetings? Are there
requirements for membership in Al-Anon?
“Al-Anon
is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics, who believe their lives
have been affected by someone else’s drinking.”
Al-Anon’s Third Tradition includes the statement, “The
only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a
relative or friend.” Al-Anon is open to any one who has been affected in any
way by the problem drinking of another person.
There is no other requirement for participation. You do not need to be certain whether or not
you belong in order to attend. You do
not need to be certain whether or not the problem drinker is an alcoholic. If
you think Al-Anon may possibly be right for you, you will be welcome.
Quoted
material is reprinted with permission
of ©Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc.,
The Al-Anon publication, “Are You Troubled By Someone's
Drinking? Al-Anon Is For You!” may help you decide if Al-Anon might be of help
to you. “Are You Troubled By
Someone's Drinking? Al-Anon Is For You!” (S-17).
Reprinted
with permission of ©Al-Anon
Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA.
To view Al-Anon
public service announcements targeted to potential newcomers, please click here.
The Al-Anon fellowship
includes spouses, partners, parents, children, grandparents, grandchildren,
nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, other relatives, friends,
coworkers and associates of alcoholics.
If you have been affected by another person’s drinking, whether the
person is still drinking or not, whether the person is living with you or not,
whether you have contact with the person or not, and whether the person is
alive or deceased, Al-Anon may be for you, and you are welcome in the Al-Anon
program!
Many people keep coming
back to Al-Anon for years after the problems that first brought them to the
Al-Anon program have passed, because they find the Al-Anon program enriches
their lives. Meetings are often a mixture of newcomers and members who have
been coming for various lengths of time.
Al-Anon is a spiritual program and is not allied with any religion,
sect or denomination. Our membership
includes people of various religious faiths and people of no religious
affiliation or belief; members of any faith or of no faith are all equally
welcome. Al-Anon’s Twelve
Steps encourage us to find a "Power greater then ourselves" that
can help us solve our problems and find serenity. Each member is free to define
that power in his or her own way.
Al-Anon is not a program of
recovery for people seeking sobriety for themselves. People seeking sobriety
are welcome in Alcoholics
Anonymous. However, Al-Anon welcomes people affected by another person’s
drinking who also are or may be alcoholics.
What happens at
an Al-Anon meeting?
Newcomers are welcomed to meetings;
we consider newcomers to be the most important people at any meeting! Many meetings provide newcomers with a packet
of Al-Anon literature that includes a local meeting list.
You may be asked to share your first name so that you can be welcomed to the
meeting, but you will not be asked for other identifying information.
Meeting formats
vary. Most meetings begin with an
introduction. Some meetings also begin
with reading of the Al-Anon Steps and one or more Al-Anon Traditions. There may be Al-Anon related announcements.
Some meetings provide an opportunity for each person to share if they choose
to, some provide an opportunity for several people to share but not necessarily
all, some have one or more speakers, and some may have one or more speakers
followed by an opportunity for others to share. Some focus on studying the
Steps or Traditions of the Al-Anon program, or include readings and/or
discussions of Al-Anon literature. Some meetings offer a “beginners' table” or
have a newcomer’s meeting either after or as an option to the main
meeting. It is always your choice
whether to speak or “pass” when there is an opportunity to share during a
meeting. Many meetings open or close
with the Serenity prayer, or another
prayer. It is always your choice whether
to join with others in saying a group opening or closing.
Newcomers are encouraged
to try several meetings to discover which may be best for you. Newcomers are also welcome to ask questions
of members before or after the meetings.
What happens when people speak at meetings? Do I have to speak? Will
I be allowed to speak? Can I speak personally or individually with other
members?
Speaking at
meetings is often referred to as “sharing.” When there is an opportunity for
individuals to share, it is always an individual’s choice whether to share or
to choose to pass. Newcomers and members are equally welcome to share. In Al-Anon, we share our own personal
stories, our experience, our strength and our hope. When we share,
we speak to the group as a whole. Some groups
find it helpful to have feedback from others after they share, and these groups
encourage members to respond to other people's sharing by in turn sharing about
what worked for them in their own experience with the issue being
discussed. Other groups avoid feedback
to others, and encourage members to share their experience with the topic
discussed in a more general way. In meetings of any type or format, Al-Anon
highly discourages giving direct advice; telling another person what to think, what
to do or how to act; and questioning or interrupting the person who is sharing.
Members and newcomers are welcome to speak individually with others before or
after the meeting if they have questions or would like to speak personally with
another member. Although it is always a personal choice of each member whether
or not to do so, many members are willing to share their phone number, and
newcomers are encouraged to ask for phone numbers if they would like to have
the option of speaking with an Al-Anon member between meetings. Some meetings provide a phone list of people willing to be
contacted between meetings.
How does Al-Anon work? How can Al-Anon help people affected by alcoholism?
In Al-Anon
and Alateen, we do not tell others what to do about their own personal
situation. Instead, members share their experience, strength, and hope with
each other. You will meet others who
share similar feelings and experiences, even if not your exact situation. In
Al-Anon and Alateen, we find others who understand, and from each other, we
learn new ways to deal with our problems.
Al-Anon can help members find happiness, whether the alcoholic is
drinking or not. We practice the Twelve Steps of Al-Anon
to help ourselves recover from the effects of alcoholism, and to grow
personally. We share our experiences
with techniques that have worked for us, and through the Al-Anon program we
learn tools that can help us find solutions to our problems and help us to
continue to cope and to grow.
Will things I
say in meetings be kept
confidential? Will anyone outside of a meeting be informed of what I say or
that I attended?
Anonymity and confidentiality are basic principles of the Al-Anon
program. Attendance at a meeting and everything
that is said in meetings and member-to-member must be kept confidential. Calls to the Al-Anon information line, and
e-mail sent to the district Web site, are held in confidence. No attendance
list is kept and no reports of attendance are made to anyone.
How much does Al-Anon cost?
There are no dues or fees for membership in
Al-Anon. Al-Anon is self-supporting
through our member’s voluntary contributions. Most meetings will “pass a
basket” for members to contribute if they choose to. Voluntary member contributions support
Al-Anon at the local, state, national, and international levels. Contributions
are never required.
What is alcoholism? Who is affected by alcoholism?
Alcoholism is widely recognized as a chronic,
progressive, primary disease, which can be arrested by abstinence from alcohol
but can not be cured. Alcoholics Anonymous literature describes alcoholism as
“an obsession of the mind, coupled with an allergy of the body.” Alcoholism is
a family disease that affects everyone who has contact with the alcoholic.
Alcoholics include people from all backgrounds and walks of life. Most alcoholics have families, friends, and
jobs. Their drinking causes problems in their lives and in the lives they
touch. In Al-Anon, we learn that we do not cause, can not control, and can not
cure alcoholism. We can learn how to cope with the effects of alcoholism on
ourselves. We find that our recovery from the effects of alcoholism through
Al-Anon often has a positive impact on our families.
Al-Anon’s Sixth Tradition states, “Although a
separate entity, we should always cooperate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” We can
learn about the disease of alcoholism and about the recovery program of
Alcoholics Anonymous through the Alcoholics Anonymous literature and by
attending open A.A. meetings. Our Links page has
links to the A.A. World
Service Office and to local A.A. sites, and our Local
Meetings page lists open A.A. meetings
in the District 5 area.
(Sixth
Tradition quote
is reprinted with permission of ©Al-Anon Family Group
Headquarters, Inc.,
How can I find an Al-Anon or Alateen
meeting?
Please see our meetings
page for a schedule of Al-Anon meetings within the area served by District
5 (in
Are there different types of Al-Anon meetings?
There are
various types of Al-Anon meetings and meeting formats. Meetings of all Al-Anon Family Groups have in
common one purpose: to help families and friends of alcoholics. An unwritten tradition of Al-Anon groups is
that the newcomer is the most important
person at any Al-Anon meeting!
“Registered” meetings refer to meetings that are registered with the
Al-Anon World Service Office (WSO) and that meet certain criteria required by
the WSO for registration, e.g. to follow Al-Anon’s Traditions, and to be open to any Al-Anon member.
All Al-Anon and
Alateen meetings will be either open or
closed. The
majority of Al-Anon meetings are “closed meetings.” All registered Al-Anon and Alateen meetings
in District 5 are currently closed meetings; District 5 is looking into
developing an open meeting.
- Closed meetings may be
attended by anyone who feels his or her life has been or
is being affected by alcoholism.
Closed meetings may also fit into other categories, as described below.
- Open meetings are
meetings where Al-Anon/Alateen members tell
their stories and/or conduct an open discussion meeting that may be attended by
anyone interested in hearing and learning about the family disease of alcoholism. Non-members such as
observers or students are welcome to attend open meetings to learn about
recovery in the Al-Anon program. Currently there are
no registered open Al-Anon meetings in the District 5 area. Observers or
students who are interested in learning more about recovery in the Al-Anon
program are encouraged to see our To
Professional’s page, or to contact
us.
Types of meeting formats include:
- Beginners’ meetings
or Newcomers’ meetings introduce
newcomers to the Al-Anon program. Many
groups have a “first Step” (beginners) table for newcomers attending their
first meeting; if there is only one table at the meeting,
many groups hold a “first Step” (beginners) discussion
that will help introduce the program to newcomers whenever a newcomer attends
their meeting. Some Al-Anon/Alateen meetings hold a separate meeting especially
for newcomers, usually before or after the regular Al-Anon meeting. These are
facilitated by an experienced Al-Anon/Alateen member, and will usually provide
an opportunity for newcomers to learn more about the program, ask questions,
and share about what brought them to Al-Anon if they wish to share.
- “Barefoot meeting” is a term used to describe a meeting where discussion is not
focused on a particular topic; each member who shares chooses what he or she
wishes to discuss.
- Speaker Meetings include one or more Al-Anon members who speak on an
Al-Anon-related topic. The speaker may be followed by sharing on the topic by
other members.
- Step, Tradition or Concept
Discussion or Study Groups are meetings that focus on the Al-Anon Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, Twelve
Concepts, and/or slogans.
- Topic meetings are meetings where discussion focuses on an Al-Anon-related topic,
which will vary from week to week.
Types of meetings of
specific interest to certain groups of people include:
- Al‑Anon
Adult Children
meetings are a type of Al-Anon meeting, and are described below. The format of an Al-Anon
Adult Children meeting may be any of the above.
- Alateen
meetings
are described below. The format of an Alateen meeting may be any of
the above. Additional Alateen information can be found on our Alateen
page.
- Institutions Groups meet at a hospital, treatment center, correctional, or other
residential facility. Membership is usually transient and there is usually a
different meeting format. Experienced Al-Anon/Alateen members lead the meetings
and can refer families to Al-Anon groups near their homes.
- Limited-Access groups meet in locations where general
membership may not be able to attend, e.g. industrial, military, or school
settings.
- Some meetings are organized
especially to meet the needs of a particular group of people, e.g.
meetings for men, for women, or for a particular profession, age or orientation.
On Line meetings: There are registered
Al-Anon “meetings” that take place “on line;” in e-mail, chat room, or bulletin
board format. Members may choose to join “on line” meetings because physical, geographic
or other challenges make it difficult for them to attend Al-Anon face to face
meetings, or to supplement their face to face meeting attendance, or for other
reasons.
Registered on line Al-Anon meetings are expected to follow Al-Anon’s
Traditions, and to be open to any Al-Anon member. It is the responsibility of
the members to keep their sharing focused on Al-Anon recovery and discussion of
Al-Anon related topics. On line meetings may have some special concerns, such
as anonymity. For safety reasons, there are no on-line Alateen meetings.
The World Service Office will provide a list of on line meetings that are
registered with the World Service Office. To request a list of
on-line meetings from the World Service Office, go to http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/grpsrvreqform.html.
A list of on line meetings will be sent to you by e-mail on receipt of your
request.
Lone Member
Service: In addition to on line meetings, people who
are unable to attend face-to-face meetings may also be interested in Al-Anon’s
“lone member service,” which can help
newcomers and members who cannot travel to the nearest Al-Anon meeting due to
distance (25 miles or more from a meeting), physical
impairment, illness or other reasons. The members of the service correspond by
writing letters to “Lone Member Contacts,” i.e. Al-Anon members who attend
regular face-to-face Al-Anon meetings. Information about the Lone Member
Service can be found here: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/grpsrvreqlm.html.
Newcomers to Al-Anon
are encouraged to attend several different meetings in order to experience the
variety of meeting types, formats and “flavors” that Al-Anon offers. Many
members then choose a meeting to attend on a regular basis, and consider this
meeting their “home group.” Having a home group can provide greater opportunities
to become more intimately acquainted with other members, to find an Al-Anon
sponsor and have regular contact with him or her, to have a greater feeling of
belonging and contributing to Al-Anon, and to become involved with group
service and functions.
Do I need to sign up? How can I start?
There is no sign-up or
registration required; you are welcome to just come! You can select a meeting
from our meeting list. You are welcome to contact us if you have questions or would like to talk
with another Al-Anon member before attending a meeting. There is no dress code. There are no dues or
fees.
To anyone dealing with violence,
threats of violence or fear of violence:
Although Al-Anon does not tell us what course of
action we should take, our Al-Anon program literature tells us that NO ONE
has to accept violence
and NO ONE deserves abuse of any nature, no matter what seems to
trigger it. Just as we do not cause, can not control, and
can not cure another person’s alcoholism or drinking problem, so too we do not
cause another person’s violent or threatening behavior. People facing potential
or actual violence also face difficult decisions. Al-Anon does not provide advice about how
these decisions should be made, or what we should do. Al-Anon encourages us to
believe that we deserve to be treated well, and to take whatever action we feel
we must take to be safe and to keep our children and family members safe. The
Al-Anon process of awareness, acceptance and action can
help us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with and be safe with,
but the Al-Anon process unfolds over time.
Al-Anon’s
concern is to provide our members with the opportunity to gain sufficient
personal recovery to enable them to make clear, well-thought-out decisions
about their lives. All of us deserve to be safe throughout this process. Al-Anon encourages members to tap other
resources that will help them be safe and keep their children and family
members safe. This is perfectly compatible with the Al-Anon program, and is
stated repeatedly in Al-Anon conference-approved literature.
To read stories from Al-Anon members who are
survivors of violence, please click here and here.
For your safety: please be aware that Windows keeps a history of all web pages that are visited on a
computer, and
people who have access to the computer can access this record. You can click here for information on how to remove the record
of having visited Al-Anon’s web site from your computer.
I was told to go to Al-Anon by __ (fill in the blank
with whoever suggested Al-Anon to you.) Why should I?
Have any of these
thoughts or questions crossed your mind?
- I’m not the one who lost my job or
spent time in jail. I don’t act out of control or hurt my family. I’m not the
problem! Why am I being told to go to Al-Anon?
- I’m working full time, and taking
care of the kids and the house and the alcoholic. Where am I supposed to find
the time? My children need me at home!
- I don’t need a “support group.” All
I need is for the alcoholic to stop drinking!
- My problem isn’t the drinking –
it’s the financial problems, the yelling, the way he/she treats me and the
family, the broken promises.
- The alcoholic is in treatment and
now I’m being told to go to meetings. Why do I always have to do all the work
in this relationship?
- I don’t live with the alcoholic
anymore. Why should I go to Al-Anon?
- My
partner/spouse/child/parent/friend/relative is sober now. Why should I go to
Al-Anon?
- Al-Anon can’t help. Nothing can
help. It will never get better.
It is easy to feel
resentful if we feel we are being told we “should” do something. In Al-Anon we
often suggest avoiding “shoulds.” We don’t suggest that anyone “should” go to
an Al-Anon meeting; instead we share with you how Al-Anon has helped us, in
many different ways and with many different problems. Although there are exceptions, most members
did not arrive at their first Al-Anon meeting feeling joyful that things were
going well in their lives. Members continue to come back to Al-Anon because at
some point they identify with what they hear, and find help, hope,
understanding, relief from guilt and shame, freedom from obsession, answers to
their questions, and practical solutions that help make their problems more
manageable. Many members find their own lives as well as their family
situations improve when they participate in Al-Anon, whether the alcoholic
continues drinking or not. Sometimes
what we find is not what we were initially looking for, but we return to
Al-Anon because we’ve found help in the Al-Anon program.
Alcoholism/addiction is
a disease that affects not only the alcoholic, but also everyone around him or
her. Sometimes the problems associated with alcoholism seem to be due to
anything but the drinking, and often the problems experienced by people
affected by an alcoholic seem overwhelming. When problem drinking is present or
has been present in the past, many people find that Al-Anon can help them. Family members and friends do not cause the
alcoholism, and can not control or cure it. Al-Anon
can help us recover from the effects alcoholism has had on us; and to cope,
grow, find solutions to our problems, find happiness in our lives, and more
effectively perform our responsibilities to our families, our jobs and others - whether the alcoholic is drinking or not, and whether we
currently live with him/her or not. This process occurs over time, which is why
newcomers are encouraged to try to keep an open mind, try out different
meetings, and attend several meetings in order to see how Al-Anon can be
helpful to them.
What do professionals say about the Al-Anon program?
Al-Anon is not a professional program. Al-Anon’s
Eighth Tradition states that our
work with others must always be non-professional. As Al-Anon members, we share our experience,
strength and hope in order to help others – and ourselves – recover from the
effects of alcoholism in our lives; as members, we do not provide professional
advice or make professional referrals. Regardless of what our own professional
background, credentials, experience, knowledge, expertise, or opinions may be,
we are all here as members and we share/contribute our personal, not our
professional, experiences. Al-Anon has a long history of cooperation with
professionals, and our literature encourages people to make use of professional
resources that can help them. Professionals often suggest Al-Anon as a resource
for people affected by another person’s drinking. Professionals in the District
5 area agreed to share their thoughts on and professional experience with
Al-Anon, and we posted their contributions here.
Alateen
is Al-Anon’s recovery program for young people. Alateen helps teenagers who are
living with or affected by the problem drinking of another person. Please see
our Alateen page for additional information. Information about Alateen
can also be found on the Alateen pages of the Al-Anon World Services site. Local Alateen meetings are included on our meetings page.
How can Al‑Anon help adult children of
alcoholics?
Al‑Anon adult
children meetings provide a safe, supportive, understanding place for adults
affected by the problem drinking of their parent, step-parent, guardian
or childhood caretaker. If you feel this
applies to you, you will be welcome at Al-Anon Adult Children meetings as well
as at regular Al-Anon meetings. Al-Anon Adult Children is part of the Al-Anon
Family Groups program, and Al-Anon Adult Children meetings are one of several
types of Al-Anon meetings. The Al-Anon publication, “Did You Grow Up With A Problem Drinker?” (S-25) may help
you decide if Al-Anon Adult Children might be of help to you. Local Al-Anon
Adult Children meetings are included on our meetings page. Additional information
for/about Al-Anon Adult Children is available on our Al-Anon
Adult Children page.
“Did You
Grow Up With A Problem Drinker? (S-25)
Reprinted
with permission of ©Al-Anon
Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
What
is an Al-Anon or Alateen “sponsor”?
A sponsor
is another Al-Anon or Alateen member who can confidentially help us in the
recovery process. (Please note: this is different from an Alateen
“meeting sponsor” – please click here for
information about Alateen meeting sponsorship.) Sponsorship
provides personal support to members, whether they are new or have been in
the program for any length of time. Sponsors share their own experience, strength
and hope, explain the Al-Anon or Alateen program, guide their sponsees in using
the tools of the program, and help sponsees to “work” and apply the Twelve
Steps if they choose to do so. Sponsorship is not required, but can be
immensely beneficial both to the sponsee and the sponsor! Additional
information about sponsorship, including suggestions for how to
choose a sponsor, information on how sponsorship works, and suggestions for
being a sponsor,
can be found in the Al-Anon pamphlet, “Sponsorship: What It’s About” (P-31.)
This pamphlet can be obtained at many Al-Anon
meetings, from local literature distribution centers (please see our contact us page to contact the District 5 Al-Anon literature
distribution center,) or from the literature
area of the Al-Anon World
Services web site. Other Al-Anon
“conference-approved” literature, such as the book, “How Al-Anon Works” (B-22,)
also includes information on sponsorship. Our literature page provides information on how to obtain Al-Anon
conference-approved literature.
What does it mean when I hear and read that Al-Anon is a “spiritual not religious” program?
Al-Anon
is not allied with any religion, sect or denomination. Members of any faith and
of no faith are all equally welcome. Many of Al-Anon’s Steps
and Slogans refer to a “power greater than ourselves” and to
“God as we understand Him” as a source of help and comfort. People are free to
interpret this in whatever way works for them.
Some members have a clear and specific concept of God; some have a less
defined sense of God, and some have no concept of God. Some members believe in
the God of their religion as their Higher Power; others may turn to the
collective wisdom and experience of the group, or to nature, or to their feeling
of connection with the Universe, or to whatever they hold of greatest value, to
help them as they apply the Al-Anon Steps
and principles to their lives. Many meetings begin or end with a prayer; people
are always free to choose whether to join in the prayer or not. In Al-Anon, we do not impose beliefs on any
other member; all beliefs are equally respected!
Is there
literature I can read to learn more about the Al-Anon program?